


Waiting for the Light of Dawn

by Sandylee007



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Love, M/M, Nightmares
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-27
Updated: 2018-12-27
Packaged: 2019-09-28 17:49:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,834
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17187578
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sandylee007/pseuds/Sandylee007
Summary: What if Magnus didn't escape Valentine's massacre before it was too late? Alec has a horrible nightmare. And afterwards a bittersweet little heart to heart with Magnus.                         MALEC ONESHOT





	Waiting for the Light of Dawn

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Waiting for the Light of Dawn](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/444014) by Sandylee007. 



> Lately I've been growing steadily obsessed with Malec. (Those reading this most likely understand, LOL.) I've grown particularly fond of Magnus. Which means that my head refused to stop buzzing around the idea of a fanfic before I typed one. Okay, MANY. (chuckles)
> 
> DISCLAIMER: I… own… nothing. No profit is made out of typing this. (Check my bank account if you don't believe me…) Just borrowing these two characters for a bit.
> 
> WARNINGS: TEMPORARY character death… Some feels… I don't even bother listing Malec as a warning – if you're here, you're already doomed to the ship (in the best way).
> 
> Okay. Let's go. I REALLY hope that you'll enjoy the ride!

Alec had imagined that he knew true fear before. Even if it was an emotion that wasn't supposed to have a place inside him. But what coursed through his whole body while he ran after finding out that the Soul Sword had been activated … He'd never experienced anything even remotely like that. Izzy often teased him about thinking far too much. (And almost always he did. But he was firm in his belief that overthinking was far less likely to get a person killed than underthinking.) Yet once he started running only one thought fit into his head.

PLEASE…!

As soon as Alec found what he'd been looking for everything, absolutely everything – he could've sworn that for a couple of seconds even his heart – froze.

The first thing he saw was Madzie, whose face was buried to the fabric of a far too familiar shirt. Slowly, with a great deal of reluctance, Alec's steadily widening eyes shifted to see the body curled around her. The position was an obvious, and evidently futile, attempt to shield the child from the Sword's deadly touch.

Alec's gaze stilled, right there. He couldn't quite figure out why his eyes stung, he couldn't even sense the tears building up. He didn't want to look, but eventually his body betrayed him.

There, still trying to shield Madzie even in death, lay Magnus. Jaw clenched from the howl of anguish the warlock had fought to keep inside. Half-open cat eyes empty and glazed over. (Alec's mind chose to torture him with the memory of how those very eyes lit up when he called them beautiful for the first time.)

Alec had no idea how he ended up by the fallen warlocks. His knees hurt, which meant that he'd landed roughly, but he didn't care. Gently he pried Madzie from Magnus' hold. Then, even more tenderly and oh so carefully – like it would've been possible to hurt his boyfriend further – he gathered Magnus to his arms. Pulled him as close as he could and held on with all his might. The fact that there was no responding embrace, no reaction from someone who was usually in constant motion, made him tighten his hold still.

All those times when he let his insecurities win, all those times when he pushed Magnus away… He always kept telling himself that there was time to figure it all out, to apologize and make things right. He always assumed that he was the one who'd run out of time first. And now… He didn't even get to tell Magnus that he…

There was a small and wounded keening noise. Alec barely registered it, wasn't able to focus enough to realize that it came from him. "Come back." He'd never been the praying kind but what else was he supposed to do now? He hated how small and broken his voice was.

Nothing happened. Alec wasn't sure if the silence or stillness was worse. All he had left was the empty shell of the most vibrant being he'd ever met.

Alec squeezed his eyes tightly shut. He couldn't see much through them, anyway. "Come back", he tried again, even more desperately this time.

PLEASE…!

/

Alec's eyes flew open at the same moment he bounced to a sitting position. In a second he realized that his lips were parted, and he wondered with a vague sense of embarrassment if he'd screamed. His throat felt hoarse and choked, like someone had wrapped a rope around it. Something unnaturally heavy sat on his chest and he gasped in a frantic attempt to suck in proper breaths.

Infuriatingly slowly the world around him began to take focus. The scent lingering in the air, which he always associated with Magnus and the warlock's apartment. (Home.) Then his ears caught another person's soft, calm breaths. Those he instinctively fought to time his own with.

It took at least a couple of full minutes before facts set in. What he saw... It was just a nightmare. A cruel trick of his mind. Magnus wasn't… gone.

But the fear was very real. And he had to… Needed to…

Alec's heart hammered from the kind of emotional turmoil he wasn't equipped to handle while he turned his head. There was a familiar shape almost right next to him and fairly quickly his eyes adjusted to distinguish Magnus. Sleeping soundly. Healthy and whole, alive.

It was fairly rare that Magnus slept well and the thought of disturbing one of those rare occasions gave Alec a jolt of guilt. (An emotion he was far too intimately familiar with.) But the need was stronger.

Slowly, almost shyly, Alec lay down and curled up as close to Magnus as he could. When that wasn't quite enough he reached out a tentative hand and lay it above where his boyfriend's heart was beating, slow and steady. The thrum of life should've been reassuring. Instead breath caught in Alec's throat.

One day that beat might disappear.

Valentine's massacre brought Alec to a haunting realization. Immortality was a lie, a cruel illusion. Someone deranged, Valentine or even worse, might come and take Magnus away from him. He might be the one left behind. That slowly dawning understanding scared Alec out of his mind, because never before had the possibility of losing Magnus truly struck him.

A gentle arm wrapped around him, pulled him closer still. For a while they just breathed each other in. "Nightmare?"

Alec nodded and lay his head against his boyfriend's chest. Hearing that familiar voice and heartbeat… It made breathing feel bearable. To test it he let one breath out in a sigh. "Sorry. I wasn't supposed to wake you."

Magnus didn't ask or seem confused, their roles having been the other way around many times. Alec practically melted to the kiss placed on top of his head and wrapped both arms tightly around the warlock. This time there was an answering embrace. After the nightmare just being there in each other's hold was everything Alec needed.

Almost. "I love you", Alec blurted out before giving himself the chance to overthink it. Again. It took far too long to squeeze those words out for the first time. (They were too big for his mouth, heart and mind.) After coming so close to losing the opportunity to say them… After seeing the surprise on Magnus' face when he finally voiced those words… He vowed to himself that his boyfriend would never have to doubt his feelings again.

There it was again. The surprise. And a radiant spark of delight, along with a frown on concern. "I love you, too." Understanding seemed to dawn. "The nightmare… It was about Valentine's attack, wasn't it?"

How was Alec ever going to put into words what that day, that seemingly endless period of not knowing, did to him? He put as much distance between them as he could stand. Just enough so they could meet each other's eyes properly. He licked his lips, feeling infuriatingly and terrifyingly vulnerable. But at least he'd learned something since meeting Magnus. He was no longer afraid to want and ask for what he truly desired. "Don't ever leave me." He sounded far more desperate, far more emotional, than he would've wanted. But there was another lesson he'd learned. He was no longer ashamed to feel the way he felt. (Well, at least he succeeded in that most of the time. It wasn't easy to learn out of mental boundaries that'd been hammered into his head for all his life.)

It was one of those rare, precious moments when Magnus was completely and utterly open, too. A pair of suddenly very old, dark eyes looked back at him with far too many emotions to read. "I try not to make deals I may not be able to keep", the man murmured softly, remorsefully. "Time…" The warlock who'd seen many centuries shook his head, his gaze straying away with his mind. "There's no telling how much time any of us has. And immortality…" Magnus scoffed and wrinkled his nose. "What does it mean, especially in times like this?"

Alec clenched his jaw. Anger stirred to life for a fleeting moment, because it was comfortingly familiar in that intense moment. "Magnus, don't…" He didn't get further than that.

There was something profoundly sad in Magnus' eyes. "I've told you before. Even I can't see the future. Valentine… He's still out there. And I don't know how this will all end. Tomorrow, next month, next decade… We'll have them, or we won't. In the end… What we have is right here, right now." They looked at each other, both more naked than ever before there in the covers of the night's darkness. "That uncertainty, the pain of a possible loss… It's the price you have to pay for love. Trust me, I know."

Alec didn't doubt it. He wasn't exactly keen on trying to guess just how many his boyfriend had loved and lost, how many times the heart beating under his hand had been shattered to pieces. He focused on the stone of one of the warlock's many rings to avoid further eye-contact. His line of vision was getting ridiculously blurry so he closed his eyes.

"That wasn't the answer you were looking for. But even with all the stiff drinks I've ever had I haven't found a better one." Magnus ran a comforting, almost apologetic hand through his hair. "A secret I've learned over the course of my long, long life? We need to try and make every day count. And keep hoping. Because that price we pay for love, that pain... It's worth it." The hand was pressed gently against Alec's cheek and he leaned his face eagerly to it while Magnus went on. "Whatever good there still is in me... I would've lost it a long time ago if I kept my heart cold and barren."

Silence lingered because it was physically impossible to talk in the middle of a kiss. "Well…" Alec swallowed and was surprised to discover that the taste in his mouth wasn't bitter. Just salty. "If tonight's all we may get, then…" He shrugged as much as anyone with their arms full of a grown man could. "I'm glad that I'm with you. And… That you're here." Honestly? If he'd lost Magnus like he did in that dream… He didn't know what he would've done.

"I'm here." To enforce his proclamation Magnus kissed him soundly, and ended up rendering them both breathless. It wasn't until a feather-light hand brushed his cheek Alec realized that he'd been crying. "And I'm glad that you're here, too, Alexander."

Neither of them felt like sleeping, because it would've only brought back the nightmares that'd been haunting them. Instead they held on to each other, focused on the thought that neither had lost the other, that they were still together in this whole mess. It was enough comfort to carry them through the dark night and to the breaking dawn.

**Author's Note:**

> Aaaaw! OH, how glad I am that the episode DIDN'T end like this story began. Especially because Magnus… has become quite precious to me. And imagine what losing him like that would've done to Alec…! (SHUDDERS)  
> SO… How was that? ANY good, at all? I REALLY hope that I managed to do our darlings justice. PLEASE, leave a note to let me know how I did!
> 
> And would you like to have another 'SH' story or two from me…? I'M OPEN FOR REQUESTS.
> 
> In any case… THANK YOU, so much, for reading! Who knows. Maybe I'll see you around again.  
> Take care!


End file.
